People may hate you but smile at you?

I don’t know. I’ve been feeling a little down and out recently, and I’ve started to think about my life and all my friends. So far, I’ve only kept in contact with my JC friends. My secondary school friends seemed to have their own private lives now so I no longer keep in contact with them.

Somehow I wonder, have I been a bastard? Sometimes you say things that you never thought is hurtful, but it is. Sometimes you think its a joke, but it isn’t. Sometimes you hurt someone without knowing it. Sometimes the mistakes you do make people remember it for life.

Isn’t that sad? Recently I think about the mistakes I make with my OG in university. I wonder how many of them have a good impression of me. Somehow I feel sad to say that I don’t think many of them have a good impression of me. Perhaps they may laugh and smile, but how am I to know I have not done something that made them unhappy?

I remember a time when I yelled the wrong cheer and everyone had to change to mine because I was the loudest. I was deeply embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I’m sure many people are angry too. Somehow, I don’t know why, but I feel that some people are quiet to me and I can just feel that it is difficult to talk to them. I wonder if I have been a bastard and did many hurtful things to them.

Now I wonder if the friends who have been laughing with me, at my jokes and everything, have been truly with me. Whilst I can say that I am completely at ease with my JC clique and I can confide in them a good many things, I can’t say for sure of my university friends. For I fear some of them have bad impressions of me and not many have good impressions of me.

Pardon me, but I just feel depressed. I just can’t forgive myself for the mistakes I made, even when they arn’t mistakes according to others, but they are to me. Haiz.

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5 thoughts on “People may hate you but smile at you?

  1. Hi, i understand what you mean. There are some people who offended others but do not know that. I have one classmate in the University whose attitude and actions are obnoxious, and everyone hate him, but he does not seem to know it.

    Just my 2 cents, you should talk to your university friends about how they really think of you, and change accordingly. I am sure they will agree to help you change for the better. =)

  2. hey… y u say till lidat…. i tink oweek dat time one no one blame u lo.. i dun even tink anyone was angry cos we ourselves are unfamiliar with our cheers? haha.. i din even noe something was wrong till after the cheer pple discuss lo… hahaha..arent i worse…??
    anw, i dun have bad impression of u… although u always suan me…grrrrrrrr.. but i ok with it lo..play play one ma..no grudges de..haha.. i dun tink anyone tink u bad lo.. i tink we only tink someone hu should not be name cannot tahan.. our og is fine with everyone la i feel truely..dats y i tink our og is nice cos v accomodating to everyone.. although now like getting smaller….cheer up ok!!!=D

  3. hmm..didn’t expect anyone from uni to be reading my blog..lol..someone told u one ah.

    niwae sometimes just feel like v mo shen with some people. sometimes i got tink..lol..i sae about S-W-M-N-B-N, then scully i am the H-W-M-N-B-N how?hahaha

  4. I think you are over-reacting. You call yourself a b*****d? Come on. Let me take you to the School of B*****ds. I can tell you honestly that I don’t have a bad impression of you. I agree with CY.
    You should try to forgive yourself and let go of the mental burden. If you’ve already learnt from your mistakes, then just focus on how not to repeat them and be more conscious of what you say or do to the people around you in future.
    Last but not least, you can’t please everyone, so just keep your conscience clear and move on.

  5. omg TM.. it was 2 years ago! when i got your comment, all I can think of is, “when did I write that”. haha.. hmm.. well 2 years ago was a very different time. And I honestly forgot who was the one who prompted me to write that, but I don’t think it was you guys. So no worries.

    Thanks for the comment. 🙂

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