I have started using this app called “Big Day Lite” to do my countdown to 26th of April 2011, which is the last day of my exams. In a way it is one of the few things keeping me sane, by letting me know that the ending is near and I can just put everything down real soon. Perhaps the more optimistic thing would be to say that it is only a week or two more to the submission of draft thesis, hence FYP is about to end, sans the presentations and continual assessments to be done.
Over the weeks, the many frustrations vented out on Facebook or Twitter has been regarding the FYP, and kudos to the NJ gang for tolerating my repeated “FUCK” typed on the NJ gang conversation screen on MSN. It happens pretty often, especially when I am frustrated with something. Just yesterday it happened because I couldn’t figure out why my code was wrong. The logic wasn’t wrong cause if I shifted it out to another function, the code worked, hence it is probably my lack of understanding of how MFC works, which is honestly a pain in the ass.
I just hate it that probably every person who is judging me, the professors or even the DSTA interviewer who asked me about my project, probably thinks it is an easy job, that it is straight forward. I guess so, but to me I seem to have so much more work to do than my friends.
Honestly life has been one big mess and one big rush. Rush to learn Java from scratch. Rush to figure out the Yahoo API. Rush to figure out how to do this and that. Rush to find various available thresholding techniques to implement for the name card image. After I realized I have to account for images obtained through the web camera, it is a rush to find additional techniques to improve the image quality. Then a rush to compare various techniques. Rush to learn how to program a GUI in MFC, which nobody taught me. Rush to learn OpenCV. Rush to think of methods to reduce errors. Seriously the only aspect of the whole project that I really learnt in school is the basics of image processing, which I took up last semester.
Since there is such a rush of everything, I feel I have done quite a lot of work, given that there is life outside FYP. And there are other modules too. As far as I am concerned, the projects my friends are doing seem so much less mad as compared to mine, granted that yes, I probably do not know enough of their project to comment. But I don’t see how I could have finished everything in half a year and then go on to work on other things. Sorry, my interest do not lie there.
I rather spend available time learning iPhone app development. Or for the android interface. Come up with the next cool idea to bring about improvement to other people’s lives through the use of mobile internet. Or do something that can earn me money. I know I am independent enough and hardworking enough to be a good student people can be proud of. I just need some key ingredients like basic support, some interest in the project, and take away all those uncertainties. Yuck.
I have spent so much time chasing after paper gains, that somehow it is time to say goodbye to it. I understand that mum probably thinks I am giving up before finishing my tasks, but that’s really not it. I’m still doing what I can, and sometimes my stomach twists and churns because I realize I have no idea how to do certain things. I just really want to minimize this expectations on good results so that I need not feel the shock and the need to be upset with myself when May comes and the final results are released.
Which is why I keep emphasizing, to myself, that it is alright to do a little badly for FYP and sacrifice the coverted first class honours if it makes myself feel relaxed and happy. I just tell myself that to keep me optimistic, else I probably would have gone into depression already.
Honestly I don’t see it as that big a deal. There’s no more scholarship, and companies are not giving first class honours students more priority, and neither are they given much points after the stage where they decide to select you for interview. It is also interesting to note that a 2nd upper student also gets selected for the same interview, and then you ask yourself, “so where’s that damn advantage”. The answer is, “There isn’t”. What they want to see at the interview is not so much of your scholarly brain but your attitude and interest in the job and whether you can communicate effectively and coherently.
There might be a difference in say, a 2nd Upper and 2nd Lower honours provided the CAP difference is sufficiently large, not 4.01 vs 3.99 kind. Perhaps you can equate it to the person being hardworking, or that he learns fast and efficiently, and has the mental capacity for fast on the job learning. But other than that I see no relation between CAP and a person’s ability.
Ah well ranting and ranting. I should feel more relaxed by the end of the week? Hope no shit suddenly pops up. I really need a break. Already burnt out!