I probably haven’t really blogged properly for a long time. The last post was done rather haphazardly as I was then distracted by something else. Speaking of distractions, ever since I had completed all my examinations and gradings in my course, I had been rather slack. However this is not the time for slacking since there are many more interesting things to learn and do. I should really plan my time properly. And I should probably sort out my messy table.
Anyway I suddenly had this urge to blog something so here I am. Today I want to talk about the angst inside me. Sometimes I wonder why I am full of angst. I understand that I have this problem, but it’s been rather hard to consciously control this inner demon. Personally I think this is something to do with character, it is hard to change since it has become a part of you, but it has to be changed.
Sometimes I see a post on the net and I feel this gross injustice that I have to correct it. This situation has abated somewhat since I started working in my sensitive organization, and I find myself deleting paragraphs of opinion time after time simply because they might not be something that people want to hear; or it might cause other problems. But though it has abated, this inner demon surfaces from time to time. Like today, I found myself putting in a comment on something a friend shared.
My secondary school classmate shared a link where it spoke on the unfortunate death of a soldier, and there was this comment there which came from someone I didn’t know. The comment was rather weird in my opinion as it serves not to further the discussion of the deaths but rather to repeatedly highlight this divide growing on people’s minds, that “NS is for singaporeans, jobs/scholarships etc are for foreigners”. It has come to a point where I don’t recognize whether it is just a joke people say to make their lives better or is it a disease that is affecting everyone. And the commented ended with saying how people should vote wisely in 2016.
I felt rather torn. I didn’t know what to do. I simply pointed out a single fact, that is no party did promise to abolish National Service, and so there is nothing this topic has got to do with the elections in 2016. Furthermore, shouldn’t the focus be on the mechanisms we implement to reduce such problems from happening again?
But the fact is clear that there is this growing divide that I am not sure if it is good or bad. It is scary to see the extremes of any two sides. When people are just so full of hatred that they would criticize and swear at anything a person does simply cause they hate him. Or that people are so full of love for one person that they are blind to his flaws. It just so happens that social media makes it so much easier to read posts that are full of hatred. Where is the rational mind at work!
We cannot but accept the fact that this has grown to be what defines us. This is something that we must all accept because it is shaping our future. And as leaders of the country, we must grow and evolve to accommodate and accept such things as a way of life. Then, we find a proper solution to solve it.
But the problem is, what is the proper solution. Training in the RSAF has taught me one thing, that there are many things to think about at the macro level. Every single decision one makes in a position of management trickles down in different ways and affects different people. To manage is easy but to manage effectively and efficiently that is for the best of the majority, that is hard.
And how is it to accept the growing calls of transparency that the citizens cry and scream for when certain things are restricted simply to protect the financial and military security of the nation? I am not talking about the deaths now, if you haven’t noticed, but I am talking in the general sense.
Back to the angst. The angst occurs in daily life and work as well. During communication, you eventually get doubted and there’s this angst. Why do people not believe? Then there’s the angst that comes when things doesn’t go your way. Or when people misunderstand and misinterpret. Sometimes I try to take a step back and calm down. Empty my mind and think again. It’s just that these sessions usually happen some time after the deed. I have got to place these sessions as things happen. That is the final goal. If I can calm down and tell myself that everyone has a right to how they think and how they feel, and that I have to manage everyone’s emotions properly, perhaps then I would have grown up. Till then, I will just try to improve bit by bit by bit.