Over-estimating Myself

Just a couple of days ago, I attended the Change of Command parade for my previous grand boss whom I worked with for about two years. A few days before the parade, he casually mentioned that my name would be included in the farewell speech. That made me really excited about what is going to happen, and I thought about what I could possibly be recognised for. I was so looking forward to the speech that I had listened intently for the entire duration, only to discover that my grand boss had honoured everyone by listing their names.

Of course, there were a few at the higher levels who deserved special mention and had more air time. As for me, I am just one of the many names, with no examples of my contribution. I was disappointed, yes, but this also gave me some time to do self reflection. I might have over-estimated myself in terms of my contributions. Perhaps they were just minuscule and I thought they were impactful. Perhaps I could really do more and make a difference.

My closer friends knew what was on my mind when they realised that I was just a name among the many. I was sad, especially when the name was mentioned together with personnel whom I thought was undeserving. But hey, who was I to say as that was not my speech. Thinking deeper, I also realised the implications of not mentioning specific individuals when one already mentioned the names of everyone else. Then I understood, it has to be done this way.

But I need to relook at how I am contributing in my workplace and do even better; and prepare for my next role back in the units.

While talking about something that made me feel down, I should also add that there were “up” moments as well. After the parade, we had dinner and I spoke to my former colleagues. There were two specific moments where I felt that I was appreciated and I had achieved something good. First, my guys seemed really happy at the thought that I could one day return as their OC, even those who I did not think I had impacted them as much. It was very touching and motivating. Second, my encik introduced me to two new personnel in the flight, and one of them expressed interest in becoming an officer. My encik introduced me as “you should feel sad that you didn’t have a chance to work under him before he was posted out”. That made me feel very appreciated and that my little efforts to nurture everyone was on a good track. I also felt excited over the possibility of influencing someone positively to become a good officer in future. I only hope that one day I will have a chance to be his mentor.

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